The Power of Positive Self-Talk

 By Shannon Sprague

   Imagine having the power to create your “good” day. What would that feel like? Imagine having the power to be in-charge of your own success. What would that look like? Imagine having the power to have the highest level of self-esteem and accomplishment possible. How incredible to possess such a gift?

The good news is that you can do all of those things. Want to know the secret? Be kind to yourself and be impeccable with your self-talk. What I suggest here can lead to an incredible amount of mental and emotional freedom and wellness, a heightened level of happiness, joy, and self-love. Think about it: No more guilt and no more self-defeating thoughts that invariably lead to self-defeating behavior. The benefits are really two-fold, aren’t they? On one level, you experience the ability of being completely content with whom you are. On another level, you unleash the capability of achieving your goals in a much more constructive, effective manner. Do I have your attention?

There are so many areas in our lives that this concept can come into play. How about when trying to diet or lose weight. You know the scenario. You’re on a diet, doing “great” and eating only the “good” foods. Then one day there is this cookie, the most delicious-looking cookie that has come your way. You take a bite, then another, and before you know it the cookie is history. What is left is a great opportunity for guilt and self-defeating thoughts: “I can’t believe I ate that!” “What is wrong with me? I was doing so well!” “I may as well just eat more because I already blew it.” “I can’t stick with anything!” and so on and so on. Sound familiar?

How about when we are trying to accomplish a personal goal? Maybe you want to run a 10k or you are striving for a promotion at work. What happens when you don’t meet your own expectations or those of another? We welcome the opportunity for self-bashing thoughts to come knocking at the door. These thoughts are such opportunists. They seem to slip right in at our most vulnerable moments, when we “need” them the most. We tend to play the same story over and over in our minds during times like those. It doesn’t really matter what the variable is. “I’m not good enough.” “I knew I couldn’t do it.” “I always make mistakes.” “They must not like me for (insert the reason).” This practice is self-limiting and non-productive. What is the worst thing that results from negative self-talk? Your brain starts to believe you. To make matters worse, your brain searches for evidence that you are right to validate those thoughts. It knows only what you tell it. Can you start to see the vicious cycle that can develop?

The good news is that there is a better way. You can use a couple different techniques to start changing this pattern of thought. One technique is to use a journal at the end of each day, writing three self-defeating thoughts that you may have had in one column. In a second column, replace the negative self-thought with a more positive version. For example, “I am not good at my job, so I will never advance in my position” can be replaced with “I go to work each day and do my best working toward my personal goals of achievement.” Can you see how those two thoughts have totally different flavors? Another technique is loving kindness meditation directed toward yourself. This form of meditation has been shown to increase self-love and can also be directed toward others. Sit in a quiet spot where you won’t be disturbed, close your eyes, bring to mind an image of yourself, and while holding this image repeat the phrases “May I be free from danger, may I be happy, may I be healthy, and may I live with ease.” 

These practices and concepts can be effective with children. My 5-year-old daughter can be very tough on herself, often times throwing down a crayon or crumpling up the paper if she makes a mistake saying, “I can’t do this” or “This doesn’t look good.” So we work together with rephrasing her self-talk and problem-solving ways in making her experience more positive. If you give a child a chance to problem-solve his situation by asking open-ended questions, you will be amazed at what the child can come up with. Of course, since our children learn by example, it truly does start with making positive changes in how we talk to and treat ourselves! Be kind to yourself today; your children may be watching!

About the author: Shannon Sprague is a licensed, certified wellness coach and founder of Valley View Wellness Coaching, LLC. She has a background in physical therapy personal training, nutrition consultation, and she is a licensed facilitator for Am I Hungry?® weight loss/management workshops. She takes a holistic approach to wellness, focusing on all aspects of an individual’s needs, goals, and desires to reach their ultimate level of well being. You can learn more about Shannon’s services and current workshop offerings at www.valleyviewcoaching.com or by calling (603) 845-3625.

Back to Health

Home